One Shots
by Emo-Ki
Summary: Some Murdoc x 2D drabbles.


-A Great Guy-  
"Well...Jeez, I don't fink that about you, Muds." 2D stands leaning away from Murdoc, his fingers fiddling with them hem of his shirt and a small smile on his face. This is going to cost him, 2D thinks to himself.  
Slowly the old man turns around to face the younger man. "Wot?" he growls out with a cloud of smoke. The cigarette hangs between clenched pointed teeth and 2D almost expected it to snap in half.  
2D backs up, trips over an empty rum bottle but doesn't go down. "Um..." Russel and Noodle are behind Murdoc, looking on with concerned narrow eyes but 2D hardly notices this. "I...I said that I don't fink yer...yer not a great guy." And there it was, he repeated it, said it twice. Saying it twice means twice the pain right? His head already hurts.  
Murdoc is advancing with fire in his eyes. In his haste to get away from the pain that Murdoc is sure to bring him, the young bluenette's sneakered foot lands on another bottle tipped on its side. He slips, falling backwards and hitting the back of his head against the wall. It bounces off painfully.  
Murdoc throws back his head and lets out a bone chilling laugh. He kneels in front of the young man with a twisted smile on his face, long tongue sticking out. "So ya think I'ma grrreat guy, eh?"  
But 2D isn't paying attention. He's clutching his head desperately, breathing quickly and shallowly. "M-My...pain pills." A train is circling the inside of his skull at top speed, screaming in his ears. His eyes ache. "Muds..."  
Murdoc laughs again and more smoke blows out of his mouth like that of a dragon. That's what Murdoc is, a big ferocious dragon. The thought slips his mind as soon as it enters.  
The train is joined by a rocket ship. It launches with a monstrous roar and bounces around his skull, somehow missing the train every time. "Muds, please. In the bafroom...my pain...pills."  
Noodle takes a step forward but Russel puts a large hand on her shoulder. She stares up at him confused but he doesn't give any explanation. "Murdoc." Why does he keep calling for Murdoc?!  
The green skinned man stiffens then scowls. "Fine!" He hisses, rubbing his nose briefly as though reassuring himself that its still there and not broken.  
2D groans as the older man picks him up and slings him over his shoulder. Murdoc whips around to face Russel and Noodle, effectively swinging the bluenette's aching head into the wall. "Mu'doc..."  
"Shut up, dentface." They go into the bathroom. 2D cracks his eyes open a little and notices that Murdoc's jeans are kind of low and he has a nice arch to his back. Then he's flying and hitting both his butt and his head on impact.  
"Pills."  
"I said SHUT UP!"  
The bluenette is barely aware of Murdoc shuffling through the medicine cabinet and knocking over random bottles. Finally he finds three prescription bottles with 2D's name on them. "Which one do yew take?"  
2D glances at them. "All of them." Murdoc is somewhat surprised but pops the lids open. As soon as he hears that all three lids are open, 2D reaches out a pale hand and snatches them all up. They are almost empty, only two or three pills a container. Down the hatch they go, one after another, dry.  
The young man starts choking. "Idiot!" Murdoc snaps and begins pounding on the other's back. Two pills are coughed up onto the floor. "Wot do ya think yew're doin, takin' all them at once?" He asks while the other gets his breath back.  
2D faces Murdoc, since he can't very well look at him from the corner of his eye. "See? I told ya, yer a good guy."  
"I believe you said great." Murdoc replies flatly.  
This produces a smile from the young blue haired man. "Great." he agrees.  
"The only reason I saved ya is because a band can't change its vocalist." Then he leaves, with 2D wondering if he really means it.

-Rum And Whales-

"Gah! Come quick! Help me!" 2D cowers in the corner of the room naked with his arms covering his face. "MU'DOC!" The bluenette screams. He hears running feet and then the door is thrown open, hitting the poor young man in the face.  
"Wot is it?! Are we under attack?! I'll kill 'em all!" Murdoc growls, looking around the bathroom wildly and breaking a half empty bottle of rum against the counter.  
2D winces as the liquid falls to the ground with the glass. He doesn't answer, fear and relief have stolen his voice. Murdoc finally lays eyes on the bluenette cowering on the floor behind the door. "Oi, wot the fuck are yew doin down there?"  
"There...there's a," 2D's voice drops to a whisper, "whale" Then returns to its normal volume, "in the baftub! O're there!" A trembling finger points Murdoc in the direction of the tub. Sure enough, sitting there on the rim of the tub is a blue whale. Its beady black eyes stare back indifferently. It is a whale, but its about the size of a rubber duckie.  
Murdoc swings his head back around to face the bluenette, a look of disbelief on his discolored face. It slowly fades to a cruel smirk but the younger man has his eye sockets fixed on the frightening whale. Murdoc takes two steps, picks the whale up and gives it squeeze. It lets out a squeak of protest. 2D's face is turned towards him fearfully. Suddenly the whale is flying towards him. It bounces off his forehead into his lap.  
2D lets out a scream of terror that ends with him in a dead faint.  
For a good five minutes after the younger man went unconscious Murdoc cackles at the stupidity of the bluenette. When his laughing fit ends, he examines the younger naked man. Out cold, it looks like. He rolls his eyes and goes to leave but sees Noodle staring at him with her intense eyes. "Don't just leave him there."  
Murdoc whips around to stalk back into the bathroom. 2D is still slumped over between the door and the wall. There isn't really any way to pick him up except...Murdoc picks him up by his armpits like one would a puppy or something. The blue whale, which caused this whole mess, tumbles to the ground. The boy is light as a feather, almost lighter than Noodle.  
Their skin brushes. 2D's skin is kind of sticky around his stomach area. "That 'ad better not be wot I think it is." Murdoc grumbles. His mismatched eyes glance down and he's surprised to see a reddish substance. "The fuck...?"  
Originally the plan was to take 2D to his room and dump him there, but this strange liquid is intriguing him. So the young man is propped up on the counter. With a glance at the door, Murdoc decides to kick it shut incase Noodle is still out there.  
He bends over the young man and gives this substance a sniff. Rum. Sweet, delicious rum. Murdoc glances at the broken bottle on the floor. 2D owes him some for that false alarm there. A smile spreads across his face. His obscenely long tongue slips out and laps at the dried rum. Delicious.  
Murdoc adjusts their positions so that he can kneel and still reach the young one's stomach. Then he sets about licking it up. The older man has done this with females and tequila but they were always awake and giggling...and female. Of course, the sex doesn't matter so much since 2D is pretty feminine.  
Wait. What?  
This is 2D he's licking; not some chick he can just kick out in the morning. But the young bluenette is unconscious so what does it matter? And no one is ever going to know.  
Murdoc finishes with the pale flat stomach in a few minutes. Mismatched eyes happen to look down...and notice more. What the fuck was this kid doing? He fights with the fact that he is not a faggot and with his slight addiction to alcohol.  
Its a tough choice.  
"Nnn..." And now its not.  
Murdoc stands up just as 2D opens his eyes. He puts on his best poker face. The bluenette rubs his eye sockets. "Muds? Did you get the whale?"  
Of course. He rolls his mismatched eyes and spots the blue rubber whale in the corner, unlikely to be seen. "Yeah."  
A smile brightens up his face. "Thanks, Mu'doc."  
"Yeah, whatever." The green skinned man grumbles as he leaves. Noodle is standing outside the door. One of her fine deep violet eyebrows is raised. Murdoc doesn't answer her question though.

-Sex Makes Babies-

"Hey, Muds, why do I keep gettin' these fings?" The bluenette 2D asks. His brow is furrowed as he stares down at a piece of paper with black eyes. Murdoc looks up from his bass and glares but the younger man is too busy looking at the paper in his hands to notice.  
After being ignored for a few seconds, Murdoc decides to know what all this is about. He holds out a hand. "Lemme see it." Tentatively 2D reaches out to give it to him. When the paper touches his fingertips Murdoc's long fingers close around it like a Venus fly trap around a fly. The older man sighs, reads it, then looks back at 2D. No doubt about it, the younger man is confused.  
"Looks like they want yer money for yer spawn."  
"I ain't got no...spawn..." 2D replies and his frown gets deeper. Frowning doesn't really suit the kid, Murdoc muses to himself.  
He decides to be direct about it since dentface here is too stupid to get any beating around the bush. "Do ya use condoms when ya screw?" He sets aside the paper requesting child support from some desperate single mother with a blue haired brat.  
An uncertain pause that lasts much longer than expected makes the older man look up. "Ya mean those are fer screwin'?" There isn't a hint of jest in 2D's innocent face.  
Holy shit. Murdoc just can't believe this kid. "Wot the fuck did ya think they were fer?" Murdoc growls. He plays a few notes on his banged up bass but they don't quite sound right.  
2D fidgets then quickly reaches for the paper Murdoc set beside him on the couch. "But wot do they hafta do wif these gurls 'n their babies?"  
Seriously this kid can't be that stupid. Doesn't he know where babies come from? Murdoc sets aside his bass and 2D's body tenses. A simple test will tell him whether or not 2D is fucking with him. "Where do babies come from?"  
2D's smile gives the older man some hope that the singer in his band isn't a total idiot. His answer, however, burns that hope to a crisp. "The stork drops them off, of course."  
Murdoc stands up in a flash and smacks the younger man across the cheek. 2D reels back with a yelp. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Wot did I do?!" The bluenette covers his head with his arms.  
Murdoc sits back down, satisfied for the moment. He thinks of the simplest way to explain this to the paper brain. "Babies come from sex." He says bluntly.  
2D's black dents stare at him. Murdoc picks up his bass again. "Wot?" The bluenette seems completely stunned by this information. "How does that 'appen?"  
Murdoc lets out a feral growl. This is a conversation he refuses to have. "If ya want ta know about that stuff go ask Noodle."  
After an uncertain moment 2D says, "Sex makes babies?" His voice is uncertain like he expects Murdoc to take it back. Murdoc nods as he tries a new approach to the song in his head. From the corner of his black eye Murdoc sees 2D thinking hard about this new information.  
Suddenly his pale hands fly up to his face. "OH MY GAWD! SEX MAKES BABIES!?" The young man looks positively devastated by this news.  
Murdoc gives the other a sly look and lets his obscenely long tongue hang out of his open mouth. "Sex makes babies." he confirms once more.  
"But...we've had sex 'an we don't have any babies." Blue hair falls into 2D's face when he looks down at his stomach. "Wot if 'm p...preg...gunna 'ave a baby?"  
Murdoc feels himself losing his patience. How can someone who has fucked so many women not know a thing about this? "Don't ye know anything about sex?!"  
"Wol, sure I do Muds." A light blush crosses his face. "I know how ta 'ave sex, yew should know that."  
A harsh glare makes him flinch back. "I do know that, dentface. When you 'ave sex with a woman you could get her pregnant." Murdoc's lip curls up at the thought. In spite of the condom use, he probably has a brat or two of his own running around. "Men can't get pregnant."  
"Oh." A smile crosses his face. "I was jus messink with ya, Muds." The bassist stands up and advances. 2D backs up quickly. "I know that men can't have babies." It seems that this is a common occurrence.  
But 2D halts the advance by holding the paper in front of his face. "Wot do I do about fis?" He asks the older man.  
Murdoc stops and growls thoughtfully. "I'm not paying for your spawn." His eyes narrow. "Oi, how did they find this place anyways?" No one should know where the bloody hell they are, since they are floating on a pink junk island in the middle of nowhere.  
2D frowns. "I dunno. I didn't fink about that." He gives a shrug.  
He'll deal with that later. "You said you keep getting them?" Murdoc asks. A single nod and 2D is tugging him along, keeping a light grip on his wrist. They go to the bluenette's room where he starts rooting around in drawers. After several mumblings and curses the younger man finally pulls open a drawer. Its filled to the brim with letters and envelopes; all addressed to 2D, all with the same seal on them. Murdoc steps over and picks one up. These letters seem to have started coming since before they moved to Plastic Beach.  
"Why did ya keep these?"  
A shrug. "I dun wanna get inta trouble."  
"2D, yew're gonna get in trouble if you don't pay them." A wiry grin splits his face. "Except that they can't find us."  
"Wol, shucks, Muds, I don't know how fey found us."  
"When did that one get here?"  
"Fis morning."  
"How did it get here?"  
"Wol, the bird gave it ta me."  
"Wot bird?"  
"Yewr bird."  
"Cortez?"  
"Did ya get another one?" Murdoc hits 2D over the head. The bluenette rubs his injury and steps away from Murdoc. "I fink fey are all from different girls." The young man says in an attempt to distract Murdoc from his task of beating on 2D.  
Murdoc drops the paper in his hand. It flutters to the floor. "Wot?" There are this many blue haired 2D spawn running around?  
"Oh look," he holds up a paper. "This one had twins." He chuckles until Murdoc punches in in the face. 2D stumbles backwards but doesn't fall.  
"How many women have ya slept with?!" Surely most of these women have sent more than one request that the father of their spawn pay child support?  
2D gives him a shy smile. "More than you." The smile is wiped off his face when another punch is delivered. This one sends him into the dresser.  
2D whimpers on impact and instinctively raises his arms to protect his already-damaged face. The last thing he needs is a nose like Murdoc. Broken nails rake across his forearm and without looking the bluenette knows blood has been drawn. "I'm sorry!"  
But there is no stopping Murdoc now. No one insults his pride, particularly when it comes to women, particularly when its being insulted by 2D. "Don't hit me! Please Mu'doc...don't hit me again!" He begs and crawls back.  
Murdoc swiftly kicks him. "You're so pathetic. Like a gurl!"  
Which reminds him of a bet he lost with Noodle a month or so earlier. It makes him burst out with insane laughter. The oddness is enough to make Murdoc pause. "Wot the fuck are yew laughin' about?" The older man snarls.  
His raised fist almost makes 2D hold his tongue but he gets it out. "'Member that time Noodle made me act like a gurl fer two weeks?" Murdoc's fist reels back ready to surge forward and connect with 2D's face. "She even made me shave my legs and ask ya out." In spite of the circumstances a smile graces his lips. "Ya called me a gurl then too."  
Silence.  
Then Murdoc turns around and stalks to the door. At the door he pauses. "Burn that shit. No need in keepin' it since you aren't payin' for those brats of yours." Then he leaves.  
2D looks at the drawer. Slowly he stands up and pulls his lighter from his pocket. He puts the few papers they took out back into the drawer and lights it on fire. Those are his kids burning. Names, birthdays, genders, their mothers.  
He opens a bottle of rum and takes a swig of it. Just as the dresser starts burning the bluenette dumps the rest of the bottle on it. Fire flares up and 2D jumps back with a yelp. "Mu'doc!"  
"Dullard! Yer supposed ta use water." A voice to his side sighs impatiently. 2D turns his head to see Murdoc walking forward with a large glass of water.  
"Muds!" How did he get here so fast?  
The green skinned man dumps the water on the fire and it extinguishes it with a hiss of steam. They both stare at it. "I figured we could burn it together," Mismatched eyes glance at the charred remains of official papers demanding 2D pay money for kids he didn't know he was making, "but seems like ya did it without me."  
"Should write a song about it."  
"About burning yer kids?"  
"Yeah."  
"Sounds good to me."


End file.
